Saturday, June 16, 2007

Eight Things You May Not Know About Bron Smith

Here's the final art for the USA RV map. I posted the pencil sketch and the ink line a few days ago. If you'd like to see the map in its entirety, you'll find it at my cartoon map web site: www.funmapsusa.com.

While I'm here I'll post my Eight Things That You Don't (Need to) Know About Me. I'm an EXTREMELY out-of-the-ordinary person, so I had no trouble at all coming up with this list.
1) Since I was a child I've been interested in unusual creatures. For many years I owned a pair of anacondas, the world's largest snake. Hercules, my male anaconda, was HUGE, big enough to take down and eat a human, if the opportunity presented itself. Hercules and Montezuma made great impromptu guests on my TV show, if a regular human guest failed to show up.
2) I also once had a pet black widow spider, when I lived in Los Angeles. Her name was Wilma. She did very nicely on a fly a day. I kept her in a peanut butter jar on my kitchen window until the day she died. Then she lie in state on my bedroom dresser for several days. I propped her legs up and she looked just like she was alive. Then I buried her in a widow's grave. (You probably thought I was kidding when I said I was out of the ordinary.) Wait...there's more...
3) I hate to see things go to waste. Example: Literally tons of perfectly good napkins are thrown away each day across America from coffee shops and fast food restaurants. I'm a one-man napkin conservation army, doing what little I can to counter this wasteful national trend. (You're welcome to join my army, but I'm sure you won't) Since I draw and write in coffee shops all the time, I bring home stacks of unused napkins from restaurant tables that would have otherwise been thrown in the trash. I always look around to make sure that the coast is clear before I snatch them. I don't want people to think I'm some kind of a homeless nut bag. To my surprise, Jacquie doesn't mind my unusual conservation habit...she uses the restaurant napkins at home just as I do. Maybe I should start a "Save-the-Napkins" campaign.
4) I also save the tea bag envelopes, yes, tea bag envelopes (not the bags) from the coffee shops that I frequent, IF the tea is an aromatic flavor, like Stash Lemon and White Tea...that's the one I'm packing now. I carry the envelope in my pocket and savor the essence from time to time through the day. It's like cheap aroma therapy.
5) I do voice impressions and funny mouth sounds. They're a part of my act in my programs. After watching a Pink Panther movie, I'm Clouseau for several days.
6) I don't put milk and sweetener on my whole bowl of oatmeal all at once. I put a little of both on a small section at a time and work my way across the bowl till it's empty. I'm the slowest eater you'll ever meet. By the time I'm done with my oatmeal, it's time for lunch.
7) When our female anaconda, Montezuma, died, I didn't bury her in the back yard. Jacquie coiled her up like a garden hose and put her in a big plastic bag, then stuffed her in the freezer in the garage. Montezuma has been in a cryogenic state for many years. Someday I would like to make a special belt from her hide, if she hasn't suffered from freezer burn by then. In the meantime, when it's "S" day at the elementary school where Jacquie works, she takes Montezuma to school, puts her in the freezer in the school kitchen until the appropriate time, then takes her out of the freezer and carries her to the classroom to show the kids that "S" is for "snake". The kids love it...the other teachers don't. Ask Jacquie to tell you about the lunch room lady who opened the fridge door one morning only to find a frozen anaconda staring out at her. That was a day the lunch lady will never forget.
8) I gave up Sunday School about seven years ago. Not church, just Sunday school. Instead, I drop Jacquie off at the church, then go by myself to a nursing home and visit lonely people whose relatives have abandoned them. Then I return to church in time for the morning service. I've even taken nursing home friends to lunch or dinner, to holiday events like Fourth of July at our church, blackberry picking, even a movie. I've felt the last heartbeat of "old friends" before they died, with the nurse on one side of the bed and me the other. Some of the most deeply rewarding experiences I've ever had have been at the nursing home. All this resulted from watching a movie many years ago, called Brother Sun, Sister Moon. Everyone should see that film. The world would be a better place if they did. In Bible times it was lepers...today it's nursing home residents.

7 comments:

Ginger*:)* said...

Bron , you may be out of the ordinary but you are definitely an AMAZING human being. Thanks for sharing!

roz said...

YOU ARE SO INTERESTING!
Sounds like your wife is too!
=o)

Kathleen Rietz said...

Hey Bron,

I thouroughly enjoyed reading about you. And it sounds like you and your wife are a wonderful team.

While I do not "rescue" napkins, I am all about conservation and recycling. It's nice to know you share a similar passion.

Your time with the elderly who have been abandoned is probably the best gift you can give them. That is very touching to read about.

It was very nice to get to know a little more about you! Thanks or sharing! -kate : )

Sherry Rogers said...

Bron I love that you go to the nursing homes. I have always had a big spot in my heart for older people. They must just love you so much! I know that you are a great entertainer. God is smiling each time you go!

The black widow spider thing is kinda scary. . .

I love that your wife supports the things you think are important. . .that is wo wonderful

janee said...

Anacondas! EEEEK!

I had pet grass snakes as a kid, but anacondas? WOW!

imwithsully said...

I had not seen you Maps site before. I love making maps. But, I usually do old ones that don't really exist. Very nice work!

Gina said...

Bron, your 8 things were more than entertaining! What a delight! I can say I do share a passion for not wasting as well. It's crazy what we do to our "home", our planet Earth, without a second thought! And I've always liked snakes, too! (te he he!) -Gina